There are times when restlessness persists and the demand is inevitable for personalised space. Demand, as the desire to have rest has not been possible to respond to, and circumstances present involuntary expression beyond your control.
I experience this today, with my mental health journey and my head. Suddenly in the early hours, clicking and involuntary movements started to present in my forehead and behind my nose. The reason beyond me, but open to speculation. Ironically, the wisdom of DWP and their disconnecting processes with regard to work capability, is possibly the main reason. Placing upon me a demand beyond my control. Made even more uncomfortable by the fact that there records prove to be inconsistent. Prompted by a letter that the journal staff have no record of, but the comms staff or computer chooses to prompt with text reminders. As if you really need to be told that your capability and capacity is on trial again, by an impersonal process set on data processing and balance sheets. The cost to the person on the receiving end, it would appear, far from the radar. This is occurring eight hours before the imposed wait of probability between 1300 and 1600, when a person will identify themselves for the first time, with the addition, possibly, of disclosing whether they are a nurse, doctor or OT, with the purpose of quizzing from an undisclosed script. Whether the recorded answers will be openly shared is open to conjecture and speculation. The iatrogenic impact has been clear for 23 days, since the receipt of the letter. An impartial assessment apparently is needed, when the advice I rely on is from two consultants. Do they honestly believe that questioning the advice helps a person with there mental health ?
However, the new physical expression appears to be the result. My head attempting to communicate a tension that implies a cooperation to resolve. The resonant or dissonance of action, hinting at the resolution. Gentle rotations and shakes increasing in intensity. At some points prompting pain and others a sense of fear, that the movements will become too violent. Agitated, disrupted and disturbed , so much that I needed to document it, immediately. Bordering, what I can only guess is near to presenting as a “fit”. The overall sense of violation of person and space. Whose business is really being served, here ? Thankfully, the journey of POSABLE, UNICCE and The Compassion Net prompts me to create space to breathe, rest and record. Further lived experience evidence of the unhealthy impositions that institutions and structures take for granted.
It would appear that somatic, even psychosomatic symptoms are presenting to persona discomfort. Taking time to listen and respond giving breathing space for relief. Recognising and accessing the bodily expression. Capturing in words giving a heightening understanding. In turn prompting a need to “stomach” events by a need to eat and refuel. Bordering though, on a sense of sickness and fear of vomiting, even violent bowel relief. Living too near the resonance and over association being the danger.
Moving beyond the restraints of PR, again the clear message. Time required for persona health. As has become the norm, seeking composure in the compost.
Then …..
And the reality is the letter I had actually received said “rescheduled from 2020”, apparently we were placed in a box for four years, then expected to review our mental health journey in one hour.
Prior to the call I was called twice from the same number, different though from the one on the letter. Rejected the first call as I didn’t recognise it. Googled it to discover it could have been DWP or a hoax. On the second call I gave the benefit of the doubt, as it was 1300.
Then to discover it was only admin telling me to await the call. Meanwhile I discover that a letter headed Universal Credit is not actually one from them, but from an outsourced company. Do these people honestly understand the impact of their systems ?
So now I await the personal impact and then deal with their next interpretation of care.
Having requested a complaint process from UC they post https://www.gov.uk/ for a game of spot the link. There intent, who knows ?
Never has “Not everything that fits in a box, is a box” and “meet someone where they are not where you expect be” been more apt.
Six weeks after the phone call I still await a response. (Now stopped counting). My Universal Credit journal has meanwhile prompted a commitment compliance, without any reason for the prompt.
The Compassion Net 